sgafdjghsa fair enough lmao. have a bunch of modern au headcanons as my apology:

• hamlet had never had nutella before he met horatio. it’s really not the kind of thing you’d find on the royal family’s breakfast table, which horatio thinks is a) ridiculous, and b) pretentious as heck. so one day he makes hamlet have a bite of his nutella toast, and when he gets home in the evening he finds hamlet on the ground surrounded by 15 jars of nutella, at least 3 of which are totally empty. hamlet sits there looking very ashamed until horatio stops laughing at him and bends down to drop a kiss on his forehead and call him ridiculous.
  
• hamlet and horatio are legitimately those guys at parties who sit around and talk about philosophy while everyone else tries to get drunk and dance and do normal party things. usually people just leave them to it now because they know that either hamlet or horatio will reach the point where they’re so awed by the other’s brilliant ideas that they start making out frantically. no one wants to see that.
• hamlet had a phase where he wore aviator shades all the time regardless of the weather because he thought they made him look cool. horatio found it too funny to correct him.
• horatio is a giggly affectionate drunk, hamlet is an irresponsibly confident drunk. he keeps getting horatio to dare him to do very stupid things because he wants to prove that he can do them but obviously he can’t so it ends with hamlet bruising some part of his body and horatio kissing it better.
• hamlet can’t tan at all, he just burns. the one and only time they went on a beach holiday, he was so sunburnt that they couldn’t have sex for 5 days. both agree that no beach is ever worth that hell again.
• horatio has a pet hamster named emperor maximilian. hamlet and the hamster have a strained relationship, which isn’t helped by the fact that horatio keeps making jokes about the hamster outranking hamlet. hamlet is not in the least bit amused.